Tag: repost

Free People Search Infographic: Many Languages One America

I checked my inbox this morning, and I found a kind email by Heather Brown.
She asked me to repost this infographic. I found it very interesting, because it shows data resulting from a study carried out in the fields of language and linguistics in relation to the United States of America being a “Great Melting Pot”.

It is divided into sections concerning which languages and dialects are spoken, where such languages are spoken, which fields involve those languages , and the multilanguage attitude in the USA.

Have a look! 🙂

Cf. http://freepeoplesearch.org/blog/infographic-many-languages-one-america.html

Many languages,one americaan infographic from FreePeopleSearch.org

 

[Repost] Lesson 27: Taking care of a translating brain (by Marta Stelmaszak)

Most of the time I work on shorter and easier to digest projects. I like this mode of work: it’s more dynamic, less boring and equally rewarding. I can translate for some time and spend the rest of it perfecting my work, polishing the surface and rounding up the edges. But larger projects do come in, and keep me engaged for days and days of the same text.

It just happened about 2 weeks ago. I got trapped with the same text for 7 hours a day from Monday to Friday (almost 9 to 5!), and I noticed that my brain starts to slip. It doesn’t happen that often if texts are different, or if you can be more flexible and move your activities around. But how to deal with block translating?

1. Breaks

It was very tempting for me to spend the first couple of hours translating all the time, thinking: the more I manage to translate now, the sooner I’ll finish. Not a great idea. It is much better to take a break every hour and to let your brain breathe for a while. I translated for 55 minutes, and then took a 5 minutes’ long break, closing my eyes and listening to my favourite, soul-brightening Norwegian music. Thinking about green slopes, calm fiords and white sheep… Anything but policies, regulations and penalties for infringement.

2. Water

I used to think that a quick coffee in a morning is a must to start me off. Well, one cup sounds fine. But in my own experience, problems start when you’re trying to stay awake after 2-3 hours of translating slurping yet another large black. Coffee worked against me, leaving my brain fed up and my translating self bored and dumb. Water works much better, with a slice of lemon. Keeping my body hydrated allowed me to keep my hourly turnover steady.

3. Food

I avoid large and heavy on a stomach food anyway, but you may want to try eating light while you work. I usually eat fruit and nuts to get more sugar and energy, instead of eating bread and dairy products. Oh, and… chocolate really helps.

4. Planning

For large projects, I always have a daily planned turnover and I know I have to keep up to translate according to it. Make sure that it is reasonable, and that you’re not left with too much time on your hands. At first, I estimated I’ll translate much slower and I ended up cheating: if I can do it in 5 hours, not 7, I can spend these 2 hours killing time… Wrong. I’m sure that a habit like that would impact my overall capacity and after some time I’d end up translating a half or a third of what I can do now. My best tactics: plan to translate enough to rush a bit. If you have time to check your e-mail or Facebook, that means not enough work. (By the way: checking e-mail during small breaks is a NO GO. Before you realise, you’ll end up wasting away at least half an hour).

5. Exercise

Don’t laugh at me, but I couldn’t work without that. A quick series of stand-ups, or energetic dance (to the very same Norwegian music), or a healthy stretch can do wonders with your levels of concentration. I also try to go to the gym every other day, and I find it really beneficial for my translation work.

6. Diversity

Long projects taking days are mind-bogging. I was getting mad in front of my computer, so I used crime stories and thrillers to exercise my mind. Don’t let your mind get too engrossed in one topic, or you’ll end up completely exhausted and brain dead by the end of the project.

7. Gratification

We’re all only human and we’d do everything for a treat. If you’re struggling with a project and you wish you studied accountancy or law, think of a nice motivational bonus. Sometimes little things work, and sometimes we need massive gratification. I made an official promise that if I manage to keep up with my plan till the end of June, I’m going for my great Scandinavian trip: Copenhagen, Stockholm, Helsinki, Turku, Oslo, and Bergen. Playing Norwegian music in the background reminds me of my bonus. But again, chocolate works almost equally great!

I appreciate this certain stability that long projects provide us with, but I may suffer from a sort of professional over activeness, and I can’t imagine myself translating the same texts for longer than 2 weeks. It becomes too mechanical, taking away my most favourite part. But well, no-one can be too picky nowadays.

How do you take care of your brain? How do you deal with large and heavy projects? Do you have any secrets that keep you carry on for ages?

Cf. original piece: http://wantwords.co.uk/school/lesson-27-translation-brain/

[Repost] 7 Sentences That Sound Crazy But Are Still Grammatical (by Arika Okrent)

7 Sentences That Sound Crazy But Are Still Grammatical

filed under: grammar, Lists
IMAGE CREDIT:
NATIONALGRAMMARDAY.COM

Martha Brockenbrough, founder of The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar, started National Grammar Day in 2008. Since then it has been held every year on March 4th, a date that also happens to be a complete sentence (March forth!). It is celebrated in various ways: There is a haiku contest, an anagram unscrambling contest, and even an official song.

That’s all good clean fun. Some people, however, like to use the holiday as an excuse to engage in what Kory Stamper calls “vigilante peeving.” Stamper, a lexicographer at Merriam-Webster who knows from good grammar, dreads the way the holiday seems to encourage the shaming of others for their mistakes, or, as she calls it, “asshattery in the name of grammar.” (Read the whole thing. It’s worth it.)

This Grammar Day, let’s not look at grammar as a cold, harsh mistress. She can also be a fun, kooky aunt. Here are some tricks you can do to make crazy sounding sentences that are still grammatical.

1. ONE MORNING I SHOT AN ELEPHANT IN MY PAJAMAS. HOW HE GOT INTO MY PAJAMAS I’LL NEVER KNOW.

Take advantage of the fact that the same sentence can have two different structures. This famous joke from Groucho Marx assumes that most people expect the structure of the first part to be

One morning [I shot an elephant] [in my pajamas].

But another possible, and perfectly grammatical, reading is

One morning [I shot] [an elephant in my pajamas].

2. THE HORSE RACED PAST THE BARN FELL.

Make a garden path sentence. In this one, we think we’ve reached the main verb when we get to “raced,” but instead we are still inside a reduced relative clause. Reduced relative clauses let us say, “the speech given this morning” instead of “the speech that was given this morning” or, in this case “the horse raced past the barn” instead of “the horse that was raced past the barn.”

3. THE COMPLEX HOUSES MARRIED AND SINGLE SOLDIERS AND THEIR FAMILIES.

Another garden path sentence, this one depends on the fact that “complex,” “houses,” and “married” can serve as different parts of speech. Here, “complex” is a noun (a housing complex) instead of an adjective, “houses” is a verb instead of a noun, and “married” is an adjective instead of the past tense of a verb.

4. THE RAT THE CAT THE DOG CHASED KILLED ATE THE MALT.

Make a sentence with multiple center embeddings. We usually have no problem putting one clause inside another in English. We can take “the rat ate the malt” and stick in more information to make “the rat the cat killed ate the malt.”  But the more clauses we add in, the harder it gets to understand the sentence. In this case, the rat ate the malt. After that it was killed by a cat. That cat had been chased by a dog. The grammar of the sentence is fine. The style, not so good.

5. ANYONE WHO FEELS THAT IF SO MANY MORE STUDENTS WHOM WE HAVEN’T ACTUALLY ADMITTED ARE SITTING IN ON THE COURSE THAN ONES WE HAVE THAT THE ROOM HAD TO BE CHANGED, THEN PROBABLY AUDITORS WILL HAVE TO BE EXCLUDED, IS LIKELY TO AGREE THAT THE CURRICULUM NEEDS REVISION.

Another crazy center-embedded sentence. Can you figure it out? Start with “anyone who feels X is likely to agree.” Then go to “anyone who feels if X then Y is likely to agree.” Then fill out the X and Y. You might need a pencil and paper.

6. BUFFALO BUFFALO BUFFALO BUFFALO BUFFALO BUFFALO BUFFALO BUFFALO.

Buffalo! It’s a noun! It’s a city! It’s a verb (meaning “to intimidate”)! We’ve discussed thenotorious buffalo sentence before, but it never stops being fun. It plays on reduced relative clauses, different part-of-speech readings of the same word, and center embedding, all in the same sentence. Stare at it until you get the following meaning: “Bison from Buffalo, New York, who are intimidated by other bison in their community, also happen to intimidate other bison in their community.”

7. THIS EXCEEDING TRIFLING WITLING, CONSIDERING RANTING CRITICIZING CONCERNING ADOPTING FITTING WORDING BEING EXHIBITING TRANSCENDING LEARNING, WAS DISPLAYING, NOTWITHSTANDING RIDICULING, SURPASSING BOASTING SWELLING REASONING, RESPECTING CORRECTING ERRING WRITING, AND TOUCHING DETECTING DECEIVING ARGUING DURING DEBATING.

This sentence takes advantage of the versatile English –ing. The author of a 19th century grammar guide lamented the fact that one could “run to great excess” in the use of –ing participles “without violating any rule of our common grammars,” and constructed this sentence to prove it. It doesn’t seem so complicated once you realize it means,

“This very superficial grammatist, supposing empty criticism about the adoption of proper phraseology to be a show of extraordinary erudition, was displaying, in spite of ridicule, a very boastful turgid argument concerning the correction of false syntax, and about the detection of false logic in debate.”

Not only is this a great example of the wonderful crazy things you can do within the bounds of proper English, it’s the perfect response to pull out the next time someone tries to criticize your grammar.

Sources of sentences: 1. Groucho Marx; 2. Bever (1970); 3. Wikipedia; 4. Chomsky & Miller(1963); 5. Chomsky & Miller (1963); 6. William Rapaport; 7. Goold Brown (1851).

Primary image courtesy of NationalGrammarDay.com.

March 4, 2013 – 10:06am

Repost: The Joy of Swearing in a Non-Native Language (by Corey Heller)

The Joy of Swearing in a Non-Native Language

Cf. original piece at “http://www.multilingualliving.com/2010/08/31/the-joy-of-swearing-in-a-non-native-language/“

by COREY · 30 COMMENTS

By Corey Heller
Photo Credit: Ben and Kaz Askins

Today was not a day that I am proud of.  I yelled at my German husband in front of my multilingual kids.  And, as always, I regretted it later.

My patient husband kept calm – which made me even more annoyed.

Is that a German trait, that staying-calm-in-an-argument trait?  That trait that can drive me up the wall?  My fiery response to it (inherited from my Irish grandparents) was a clear indication that I still haven’t mastered that trait – not yet, at least.

Let’s hope my children inherit my husband’s calm genes.  Please!

The thing that I find fascinating is that when I lose my temper and start to yell, it is usually in German, my non-native language.  Rarely do I launch into a host of deeply familiar American exclamations.

Instead, I automatically turn to my limited, yet carefully selected, set of German vocabulary – words that I have chosen over the years due to the way they so comfortably roll off my tongue.

Non-native speaker tip: Don’t use swear words in a heated argument that you (1) haven’t learned well enough to use comfortably and (2) you can’t pronounce correctly.  I can say this from experience.  The impact is less than stellar when a swear word you utter makes your opponent burst out laughing (at you) because he can’t figure out what you just said.  “Did you just say I’m a pair of binoculars?  Bwahhhahhahh!”

Memorable.  But definitely not satisfying.  Not in the least.

I enjoy swearing in German.  It feels sophisticated compared to the English equivalents.  It gives me a certain sense of satisfaction, primarily because the words feel so very empowering and forceful yet not crude and obscene.  Those German words just roll of the tongue with such slithering pleasure:

“Verdammt, noch mal!”  Doesn’t that sound so much more appealing and mature than “damn it all”?  Course, I have to admit that I do enjoy a good “bloody hell” from time to time while watching those fantastic British mysteries on our local PBS TV station!  What sophistication.  Such refinement.

“Scheiße!”  Those two syllables make our English “shit” seem so very vulgar.  The smoothness of the “sch,” the openness of the “eye” and the soft ending of the “eh” is so very soothing to the ear, is it not?

Even “Idiot” in German has a kind of low, casualness with that lovely long-o sound.  Contrast that with its sharp, edgy American-English cousin.  Anything that ends in “ut” like the American pronunciation must be relegated to the compost heap.

Obviously, I didn’t pick up the worst of the worst when it comes to German swear words (thanks to my clean-talking husband and his friends).  My repertoire of German swear words is limited to a few targeted general ones that I most likely learned from German television.

The fact that I lack a personal association with these words makes them feel so much less offensive – almost pleasant in my mind.  In fact, being that I learned them during a very exciting, joyful time in my life (those first euphoric years with my husband-to-be), it is no surprise that they hold with them many pleasant memories (even though some were used in that same joyful context against that same wonderful person – let’s just blame it on that same Irish blood).

Even though I try never to use swear words in front of my bilingual children, there are times when they slip out.  Purely by accident.  I swear!

I have even been known to use an occasional English swearword in front of my children now and then. However, I aim to stick with German exclamations: they are so much easier to get away with when my kids repeat them in front of English-speaking community members.  I can just pretend like my kids said something extremely cute and praiseworthy: “What did he just say?” they ask.   My response: “Oh nothing, really.  Just ‘darn it,’ that’s all.”  (Inward chuckle.)

I have been asked once or twice by my kids to please define a given swear word in English.  As I usually only use German swear words, I always respond with an honestly shocked response: “What!?  Where did you learn that word!?”

To which my children answer matter of factly, “From you Mama.”

“Really?  Are you sure?  From me?”

Scheiße, verdammt noch mal!

On the rare occasions that you lose your temper, which language do you prefer?  Do your children ever use swear words?  If so, do find that swear words in one language have less of an impact than in your other languages?  Are your children allowed to use words in one language but not their translation in the other language(s)?

Corey Heller is the founder of Multilingual Living and the Editor-In-Chief/Publisher ofMultilingual Living Magazine. Multilingual Living is the place where she shares her knowledge about raising multilingual and multicultural children. Corey, an American, and her German husband live in Seattle where they raise and homeschool their three children, ages 12, 10 and 8, in German and English.
CLICK HERE to send her an email!

Quote of the Day.

QOTD:

 

Translartisan
by Translartisan

Have a good weekend everyone!

Get inspired!

🙂

Repost: The benefits of being bilingual

The Benefits of Being Bilingual

http://www.englishschoolnyc.com/772638/2013/10/29/the-benefits-of-being-bilingual.html
[LAST UPDATED 3 MONTHS AGO]

Did you know that over half of the world’s population is bilingual? This statistic may come as less of a surprise if you consider that there are nearly 7,000 languages spoken around the world! Being bilingual offers a wealth of benefits, from better brain function to improved job prospects. If you live in a vibrant place like New York City, being bilingual can even make it easier for you to meet new people. If you are considering learning a second language as an adult, it’s important to enroll in language classes designed for adult learners and immerse yourself in the language. Once you become fluent, you can maintain and improve your language abilities by taking classes, watching movies, and conversing in your new language. To find out more about the benefits of bilingualism, check out this infographic from Bluedata International Institute, an ESL school in New York City. Please share this infographic with your friends and family who are also hoping to learn English or any other second language!

The-Benefits-of-Being-Bilingual-Infographic-01

Noisli :) quando il traduttore si crea un angolo di pace

Questa è una di quelle giornate che partono con una schedule da brivido.
Ti alzi dal letto che già hai la febbre al solo pensiero di accendere il pc. Ma, c’è sempre un ma, il lavoro chiama e con un pizzico di fortuna riuscirai ad incastrare tutti gli impegni e a rispettare le scadenze.
Bene. La mia mattinata ha preso una piega diversa giusto una mezz’ora fa. “Come?” direte voi.
Mi sono creata intorno un ambiente confortevole e rilassante; è per questo che voglio proporvi un sito che cambierà radicalmente la vostra vita.

http://www.noisli.com/

Facilissimo da usare, si presenta con una grafica semplice ma intuitiva. Ci sono varie icone che rappresentano i vari suoni riproducibili. Cliccandoli, potrete combinarli come più vi aggrada, creando così un sottofondo piacevole che vi accompagni durante le ore di lavoro.
NOISLI1

pioggia, tuoni, vento, suoni del bosco, onde che si infrangono, rumori della notte 

sono solo alcune delle possibilità tra cui scegliere il proprio personalissimo sottofondo per lavorare.

noisli2
[ndt: come potete notare, il colore di sfondo dei due screenshot è differente.
Mi sono accorta solo una volta aver premuto “stamp”, che ci sono vari colori tra cui anche il rosa e il corallo .
Avendo noisli di sottofondo non guardavo lo schermo e non  avevo notato questa chicca, che pure aiuta il processo di rilassamento utilizzando i colori dell’umore e della vita. ]
Credo che utilizzerò questa “applicazione” (per ora solo via browser) per crearmi intorno un piccolo angolo di pace.
#perlediunatraduttrice

Repost: Cómo trabajar desde casa sin volverse loco (by Isabel Garzo)

 La guida perfetta per chi lavora da casa (come me!).

Riposto l’articolo segnalato da “Las 1001 traducciones“.

Cómo trabajar desde casa sin volverse loco

La euforia inicial ante las ventajas de tener la oficina en casa (libertad de horarios, comodidad…) deja paso, a menudo, a la decepción tras el descubrimiento de las desventajas: soledad, falta de concentración, monotonía… Te enseñamos cómo manejarlas.

Fotos de Marc Samsom

Licencia CC by 2.0.

5330967929_5b56a6c803_b

Tags:

Trabajar desde casa es, para algunos, la solución perfecta (por ejemplo, para conciliar la vida laboral y familiar o para llevar a cabo varios proyectos de forma simultánea) y, para otros, un resultado involuntario de su búsqueda de empleo o una situación temporal.

Es innegable que ser productivo en casa tiene algunas dificultades añadidas con respecto a serlo en una oficina. Ese es el motivo de que muchos estudiantes llenen las bibliotecas antes de las pruebas de Selectividad y durante sus cursos académicos: en casa no se concentran igual.

En casi todos los casos, la euforia inicial ante las ventajas de esa situación (libertad de horarios, comodidad, ahorro del tiempo empleado en desplazamientos, etc) se ve rebajada por el descubrimiento de las desventajas: falta de concentración, interrupciones, monotonía, carencia de contacto con otras personas, necesidad de un cambio de aires…

Hay algunos trucos para que trabajar desde casa sea más llevadero, tanto si eres de los que tienen intención de mantener esa situación en el tiempo como si eres una víctima pasajera de las circunstancias. Estos consejos sirven para ser más productivo pero, sobre todo, más feliz mientras se trabaja en casa; y pueden valer también, por ejemplo, para quien esté buscando empleo, escribiendo un libro o gestando un proyecto empresarial.

1. Distingue los espacios en casa

Si tienes una mesa alta para el ordenador, intenta no trabajar desde la cama o el sofá. De lo contrario, tu casa al completo se convertirá en tu oficina y no tendrás dentro de la misma ningún rincón para desconectar. Distinguir el espacio de trabajo es crucial para ser más productivo y aprovechar más tu tiempo de descanso. Si no, el trabajo se convierte en un compañero de piso detestable que no respeta tu privacidad. Y recuerda que, en el rincón que conviertas en tu «oficina», debes estar cómodo, pero no demasiado, si no quieres «apalancarte».

CC by 2.0 (Author: gibsonsgolfer)

CC by 2.0 (Author: gibsonsgolfer)

2. Procura salir de casa y ver personas ajenas al trabajo también entre semana

Es una de las desventajas en la que coinciden casi todas las personas que trabajan desde casa: el desgaste que supone seguir en pijama a las 16:00 h, no oír otra voz humana en las primeras ocho horas del día, no acicalarse para una reunión… Si eres de los que se sienten mal por pasar tantas horas solitarias en casa, trata de cerrar citas con amigos o familiares también entre semana. Aprovecha para ello la hora de la comida, las últimas horas de la tarde… Tu mente te agradecerá un cambio de aires. También es útil comprometerte con alguna actividad que te obligue a salir de casa con regularidad (un curso, un deporte…).

3. Levanta una muralla contra las interrupciones de otros…

Desactiva los avisos de correos electrónicos y mensajes de WhatsApp: que seas tú quien decida cuándo consultarlos. Más de lo mismo con los chats de Facebook o Gmail: si quieres aprovechar el tiempo, mantén todo cerradito y apagado. Si recibes una llamada personal que no es urgente, explica que estás trabajando y que podrás hablar más tarde: lo mismo que harías si estuvieras en una oficina.

4. ¡…y también contra las interrupciones voluntarias!

Y es que estas son las peores. De repente se te ocurre que podrías consultar el WhatsApp, ya que tienes desactivados los avisos, por si te han escrito algo importante. O que vas a darte una vuelta rápida por Facebook y Twitter, solo por si tienes algún mensaje directo. O que te apetece un poco de chocolate. O que hace diez minutos que no consultas tu correo electrónico. Y en cuanto se te ocurre cualquiera de esas cosas, ya no puedes evitar detener el trabajo para llevarlas a cabo. Al final, una jornada de cuatro horas se convierte en una serie de pequeños momentos si eliminamos el tiempo dedicado a todas estas tareas. Por eso hay que ponerse serio: por ejemplo, puedes poner el móvil en un sitio cercano, pero al que no alcances sin levantarte (así no perderás ninguna llamada importante, pero no cederás a la tentación de consultarlo con frecuencia).

5. Evita posponer en exceso

Ya lo decía Larra en su conocido artículo «Vuelva usted mañana». A veces tendemos demasiado a posponer. Y muchas veces no es por ningún motivo de peso, sino simplemente por pereza. Es más cómodo pensar «lo haré luego» que hacerlo. Pero, a menudo, hacerlo más tarde quita más minutos que hacerlo ahora. Pensemos, por ejemplo, en la respuesta a un correo electrónico. Si acabas de leerlo, tardarías X en responderlo. Pero si lo dejas para más tarde, además de tener que anotarlo para que no se te olvide, tendrás que emplear un tiempo en releerlo antes de responder. Siempre es mejor solucionar las cosas cuando las tienes frescas en la cabeza.

6. Motívate con «premios» y momentos de descanso

Es más fácil ir alcanzando pequeñas metas que mantenerse activo y concentrado durante seis u ocho horas seguidas. Por eso, es positivo que establezcas tus propias normas y construyas tu «juego» de esfuerzos y recompensas. Por ejemplo, si te apetece un café, fuérzate a no levantarte a prepararlo hasta que termines la página en la que estás trabajando. O tómate un descanso de cinco minutos cada hora en punto para jugar un poco al Candy Crush. Una fragmentación disciplinada del tiempo es positiva y te ayudará a rendir más en tus momentos activos.

CC by 2.0 (author: Britt Selvitelle)

CC by 2.0 (author: Britt Selvitelle)

7. No seas un «7- Eleven»

No trabajes las veinticuatro horas del día ni los siete días de la semana. Es crucial que te olvides del trabajo durante un par de días al igual que hacen las personas que trabajan en una oficina. Si estás siempre disponible para tus clientes o aprovechas cualquier momento libre para avanzar, serás más susceptible de verte superado por el trabajo. Ponte una hora límite por las tardes y respeta los fines de semana: verás como, cuando llegue el lunes o la mañana siguiente, lo agradecerás.

8. Haz listas y planifica tus jornadas

Aunque suene a consejo de «técnicas de estudio» del cole, apuntar las tareas pendientes es la única forma de no olvidar nada y es una de las principales reglas de coaching personal y profesional. Y, para que las tareas pendientes no se arrastren eternamente de unas listas a otras, es útil hacer, al menos, dos: una lista con las tareas inmediatasque se podrán solucionar en las próximas jornadas de trabajo y otra con las tareas atemporales o a medio plazo, las que no se van a solventar inmediatamente.

Al empezar cada jornada, dedica unos minutos a repasar tus listas y ponerte objetivos realistas sobre las tareas que completarás ese día. Así no te frustrarás cuando queden cosas por hacer al final de la jornada.

9. Apunta las horas que dedicas a cada proyecto

Si tienes varios clientes o proyectos, no está de más que lleves un registro del tiempo que has empleado en ellos. Sí, sería como «fichar» en tu propia casa. Te vendrá bien a la hora de ajustar mejor los futuros presupuestos, ya que te servirá para valorar el coste real de un trabajo o para replantear el proceso de los que te quiten demasiado tiempo.

10. Consulta a colegas de trabajo

Es otra de las carencias que señalan los freelances: echan de menos poder pedir opinión a un compañero para reafirmar una decisión o simplemente charlar unos minutos para comentar algo que les ha ocurrido con un cliente. Solvéntalo, si es posible, contactando con personas de tu ámbito (antiguos compañeros de trabajo o de clase, autónomos que se dedican a los mismo que tú…) Es un alivio sentirse comprendido y escuchado. El contacto humano te da energía para seguir.

CC by 2.0 (author: Tom Baugis)

CC by 2.0 (author: Tom Baugis)

101 Funny Knock Knock Jokes

[Source: http://www.therackup.com/2013/05/14/funny-knock-knock-jokes/]

For more Riddles and Jokes: goodriddlesnow

RainbowDash_knock

101 Funny Knock Knock Jokes

1. Knock knock… Who’s there? Little old lady… Little old lady who?… Hey, I didn’t know you could yodel!

2. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Interupting Cow. Interup… MOOOOO!

3. Knock knock… Who’s there? I eat mop. I eat mop who?

4. Knock knock… Who’s there? To… To who? To whom.

5. Knock Knock… Whos there? Alzheimer’s Patient. Alzheimer’s Patient who? Knock Knock.

6. Knock Knock… Who’s there? Tank… Tank who? You’re welcome

7. Knock knock… Who’s there? Cash… Cash who? No thanks, but I’ll take a peanut if you have one.

8. Knock knock… Who’s there? Claire… Claire who? Claire the way, I’m coming through!

9. Knock knock… Who’s there? Yeah… Yeah who? Easy there cowboy!

10. Knock knock… Who’s there? Dwayne… Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwowning!

11. Knock knock… Who’s there? Doris… Doris who? Doris locked, that’s why I’m knocking!

12. Knock knock… Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock… Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock… Who’sthere? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

13. Knock knock… Who’s there? Nana… Nana who? Nana your business.

14. Knock knock… Who’s there? Lettuce… Lettuce who? Lettuce in it’s cold out here.

15. Knock knock… Who’s there? A little old lady… A little old lady who? Oh! I didn’t know you could yodel.

16. Knock knock… Who’s there? Olive… Olive who? Olive you!

17. Knock knock… Who’s there? Owls… Owls who? Yes, yes they do.

18. Knock knock… Who’s there? Oink oink… Oink oink who? Make up your mind, are you a pig or an owl?!

19. Hey, do you think you will you remember me in a few minutes? Yes… Knock, knock… Who’s there? Hey, you didn’t remember me!

20. Knock knock… Who’s there? Somebody too short to ring the doorbell.

21. Knock knock… Who’s there? Annie… Annie who? Annie body home?

22. Knock knock… Who’s there? Madam… Madam who? Madam foot is caught in the door!

23. Knock Knock… Who’s there? Alex… Alex who? Alex the questions round here!

24. Knock knock… Who’s there? Etch… Etch who? Bless you!

25. Knock knock… Who’s there? Ivor… Ivor who? Ivor you let me in or I`ll climb through the window.

26. Knock knock… Who’s there? Kent… Kent who? Kent you tell by my voice?

27. Knock knock… Who’s there? Atch… Atch who? Bless you!

28. Knock knock… Who’s there? Isabel… Isabel who? Isabel working? I had to knock.

29. Knock knock… Who’s there? Boo!… Boo who? Don’t cry it’s only a joke!

30. Knock knock… Who’s there? Mary… Mary who? Mary me and I’ll love you forever!

Sheldon_knocking

31. Knock knock… Who’s there? Luck… Luck who? Luck through the keyhole and you’ll find out!

32. Knock Knock… Who is there? Broken pencil… Broken pencil who? Ah never mind. its a pointless joke.

33. Knock knock… Who’s there? Viper… Viper who? Viper nose, it’s running!

34. Knock knock… Who’s there? Dee… Dee who? Dee-licious cookies for sale!

35. Knock knock… Who’s there? Honey bee… Honey bee who? Honey bee a dear and get me a beer.

36. Knock knock… Who’s there? A herd… A herd who? A herd you were home, so I came over!

37. Knock knock… Who’s there? Repeat… Repeat who? Who Who!

38. Knock knock… Who’s there? Figs… Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it’s broken.

39. Knock knock… Who’s there? Agatha… Agatha who? Agatha toothache. Do you have an athpirin?

40. Knock knock… Who’s there? Keith… Keith who? Keith me, my thweet printh, but look out for my looth tooth

41. Knock knock… Who’s there? Amos… Amos who? A mosquito.

42. Knock knock… Who’s there? Otto… Otto who? Otto know. I think I’ve got amnesia.

43. I know a great knock knock joke… Ok, tell me… All right. You start… Ok, knock knock… Who’s there?

44. Knock knock… Who’s there? Baby Owl… Baby Owl who? Baby Owl buy you anything you want, just let me in! It’s freezing out here!

45. Knock knock… Who’s there? Sarah… Sarah who? Sa-rah phone in there can use?

46. Knock knock… Who’s there? Toby… Toby who? Toby or not to be. That is the question.

47. Knock knock… Who’s there? Justin… Justin who? Just in the neighborhood, thought I would drop by.

48. Knock knock… Who’s there? Anudder… Anudder who? Anudder mosquito.

49. Knock knock… Who’s there? Usher… Usher who? Usher wish you would let me in!

50. Knock knock… Who’s there? Canoe… Canoe, who? Canoe come out and play?

51. Knock knock… Who’s there? Jess… Jess who? Jess me and my shadow.

52. Knock knock… Who’s there? Abbot… Abbot who? Abbot you don’t know who this is!

53. Knock knock… Who’s there? Alex… Alex who? Alex-plain later!

54. Knock knock… Who’s there? Ben… Ben who? Ben knocking For 10 minutes.

55. Knock knock… Who’s there? Ice cream… Ice cream who? Ice cream if you don’t let me in

56. Knock knock… Who’s there? Radio… Radio who? Radio not, here I come!

57. Knock knock… Who’s there? Ima… Ima who? Ima psychiatrist. I’m here ’cause you won’t open up!

58. Knock knock… Who’s there? Will… Will who? Will you open the door already?

59. Knock knock… Who’s there? Iowa… Iowa who? Iowa big apology to the owner of that blue car!

60. Knock knock… Who’s there? Noah… Noah who? Noah good place we can get something to eat?

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61. Knock knock… Who’s there? Two knee… Two knee who? Two-knee fish!

62. Knock knock… Who’s there? Pete… Pete who? Pete-za delivery guy!

63. Knock knock… Who’s there? Shelby… Shelby who? Shelby comin’ round the mountain when she comes!

64. Knock knock… Who’s there? Dishes… Dishes who? Dishes the police! Come out with your hands up!

65. Knock knock… Who’s there? Hawaii… Hawaii who? I’m fine, Hawaii you?

66. Knock knock… Who’s there? Orange juice… Orange juice who? Orange juice going to let me in?

67. Knock knock… Who’s there? Knee? Knee who? Knee-d you even ask?

68. Knock knock… Who’s there? Ice cream soda! Ice cream soda who? ICE CREAM SODA PEOPLE CAN HEAR ME!

69. Knock knock… Who’s there? Closure… Closure who? Closure mouth when you’re eating!

70. Knock knock… Who’s there? Wendy… Wendy who? Wendy wind blows de cradle will rock.

71. Knock knock… Who’s there? Eskimo Christian Italian… Eskimo Christian Italian who? Eskimo Christian Italian no lies. (Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies)

72. Knock, knock… Who’s There? Woo… Woo who? Don’t get so excited, it’s just a joke.

73. Knock Knock… Who’s there? Dewey… Dewey who? Dewey have to go to school today?

74. Knock Knock… Who’s there? Radio… Radio who? Radio not here I come.

75. Knock Knock… Who’s there? Ken… Ken who? Ken you open the door, please?

76. Knock Knock… Who’s there? Wooden Shoe… Wooden Shoe who? Wooden Shoe like to know!?

77. Knock knock… Who’s there? Justin… Justin who? Justin time for dinner!

78. Knock Knock… Who’s there? Al… Al who? Al give you a kiss if you open this door!

79. Knock knock… Who’s there? Scott… Scott who? Scott nothing to do with you!

80. Knock knock… Who’s there? The Doctor… Doctor who? Exactly.

81. Knock Knock… Who’s there? Razor!… Razor who? Razor hands, this is a stick up!

82. Knock knock… Who’s there? The IRS. We are taking your house.

83. Knock knock… Who’s there? Anthem… Anthem who? You Anthem devil you!

84. Knock Knock… Who’s there? Arizona!… Arizona who? Listen buddy, Arizona room for one of us in this town!

85. Knock knock… Who’s there? Heart… Heart who? Heart to hear you, please speak louder!

86. Knock knock… Who’s there? Heidi… Heidi who? Heidi clare war on you.

87. Knock knock… Who’s there? Howl… Howl who? Howl you know unless you open the door?

88. Knock knock… Who’s there? Iran… Iran who? Iran over your mail box and garbage cans. Sorry bout that.

89. Knock knock… Who’s there? Ooze. Ooze who? Ooze in charge round here?

90. Knock knock… Who’s there? Dumbbell… Dumbbell who? Dumbbell doesn’t work so I had to knock.

91. Knock knock… Who’s there? Spain… Spain who? Spain to have to keep knocking on this door.

92. Knock Knock… Who’s there? Heaven… Heaven who? Heaven seen you in ages.

93. Knock knock… Who’s there? Tom Sawyer… Tom Sawyer who? I heard Tom Sawyer underwear.

94. Knock knock… Who’s there? Soup… Soup who? Superman. Duh!

95. Knock knock… Who’s there? Repeat… Repeat who? Who Who!

96. Knock Knock… Who’s there? B-4… B-4 who? Open the door B-4 I freeze to death!

97. Knock knock… Who’s there? Figs… Figs who? Figs the dang doorbell so I don’t have to keep knocking.

98. Knock knock… Who’s There? Nunya… Nunya Who? Nunya business. That’s who.

99. Knock knock… Who’s there? Tex… Tex who? Tex two to tango!

100. Knock knock… Who’s there? Nobel… Nobel who? No bell, that’s why I knocked!

101. Knock knock… Who’s there? Spider… Spider who? In spider what everyone says, I kinda’ like you!

[Cf. http://www.therackup.com/2013/05/14/funny-knock-knock-jokes/]

For more Riddles and Jokes: goodriddlesnow